Simply Too Perfect
by DowntonIsMyLife
Summary: Charles wakes up to hear a little voice crying her heart out, but gets the opportunity to marvel at the beauty of his two favourite girls, warning fluffy angst.
1. Chapter 1

**This was just a random idea I had, I won't tell you too much about it - just read :p**

Crying that was all he could hear, groaning he turned on his side hoping it would stop, but it didn't. Who was that crying? Crying so loudly, and so high pitched - it was more of a scream than a cry. It as highly irritating but something in him didn't mind, part of him felt used to it and compelled to do something about it.

The noise wouldn't cease so he regretfully got put of bed, his mind fuzzy from the sleep. The early morning light began to stream through the curtains, he knew he didn't have to be up yet but once he'd seen to the crying there'd be no use going back to bed.

He left his room, holding onto the doorframe to keep him upright, retrieving his dressing gown, the shrill cries continuing. He made his way through the darkness reaching the correct door, fumbling for the door knob and managing to open it slightly before falling into the room.

The crying continued but someone was shushing them, trying to calm them down.

His eyes adjusted to the dim light, it illuminated a figure in the room, a ghostly white figure, material floating around its ankles as it swayed in the room. A female. A slim female with long dark hair that cascaded in waves down her back, contrasting her pale skin and night gown.

Elsie, his wife.

She stood softly shushing their daughter back to sleep, whispering sweet words to the child who eventually fell silent to the music that was her mothers accent, bright eyes still staring at her.

He silently moved behind her, making his presence known by placing his hand on her hip, leaning over her shoulder to watch his daughter.

Turning her head towards him she whispered;

"Im sorry did she wake you?"

"Its fine, is she alright?" He kissed her cheek and marvelled at how peaceful she looked after making such a noise.

"Yes" she gazed at her to, unable to contain her smile for the girl she loved. "She was just upset. I don't think she likes being alone in her own room."

He stroked the child's cheek and she instinctively reached for his finger, clasping it in both her hands and cuddling it to her chest.

"You want to have her back with us?"

She looked guiltily at him as her answer, he tightened his grip on her waist, resting his head against her cheek; they'd moved Catherine into her own room in a hop that she might settle better and sleep through the night, but he knew Elsie missed her, she'd often stand over the crib just watching her sleep, he would just stand and watch her. His beautiful girls.

He watched her gently drift off, watched those bright blue eyes flutter shut, her mothers eyes.

"Lets put her back then"

He let Elsie leave and take Catherine in he arms whilst moved the cot, he loved the cot, it was made from pieces of his own childhood cot and Elsie's; their cots, far too old and fragile so while Elsie had been pregnant he'd rebuilt it and they'd painted it together. He didn't think he'd ever loved her more than when he'd watched her sitting crossed legged on the floor, paintbrush in hand, her baby bump resting between her legs carefully lining the eyes of the flowers shed drawn; biting her lip in concentration letting a few strands of hair fall from the simple bun on her head.

He'd found Elsie terribly agreeable when pregnant the excitement of her first child seemed to contrast her hormone changes and seemed happy most of the time, and if she wasn't she would simply stay silent and distant.

He put the cot down beside the open window so she wouldn't overheat, ready to tuck his daughter in he turned to see a heart wrenching sight - Elsie sat on the bed, holding Catherine tightly against her chest, eyes closed as she batted in the feeling of her child. Catherine wriggled in happiness sighing in her sleep.

He sat next to he putting his arm around her,

"We need to put her to bed darling"

She turned her head, face begging him not to have to let her daughter go.

"Can't she stay with us?" she held her even closer, her protective side showing.

"No dear she can't" he brushed her hair behind her ear and gave her a sympathetic smile. "It's safer to put her in the cot."

Elsie looked down at her letting her tears fall onto the few strands of hair her daughter had. Sometimes she hated this protective side of her; she would just hold Catherine for hours, refusing to let her go, just wanting to hold her and love her.

He reached between them and took Catherine from her arms, Elsie's whimper not going unnoticed. He took her to the cot and laid her back down stroking the dark strands away from her eyes, letting his fingers trace the outline of her tiny face, her whole face able to fit in the palm of his hand. For something so small she was so beautiful, a perfect miniature of elsie. Bright blue eyes that shone in the sunlight, perfect little cheekbones prominent when she laughed, that smile, the smile her loved on his wife and adored on his daughter, her giggle could make him smile on the darkest of days and the way she would try to mimic her parents; sitting in the same positions, doing the same hand gestures, she was beginning to crawl as well and loved to follow him around but if she saw Elsie she would reach up to be cuddled.

He thought of the future, when he would teach her to walk, to ride a bicycle, Elsie would teach her to sing and dance and when she wasn't there, he would teach her to play their piano, special songs that Elsie loved so she would be pleasantly surprised.

There was so much ahead for them, so much thy had in store for her - they didn't need more children know they had her, maybe they would have more but she was so special and always would be. Their Catherine.

He felt her hand on his arm and turned to see her smiling again, she reached up to brush the stray tears from his cheek;

"She's perfect isn't she?" she whispered, glancing back at the girl as she cuddled her blanket.

"Everything's perfect" he replied, closing the distance between them and lowering his head so his lips met hers, sliding his arms around her waist as she rested hers on his elbows caressing his mouth with her tongue, a kiss of love and devotion to each other, a hint of passion but not tonight, everything was gentle and simply perfect.

He felt her pull back, but she didn't just break the kiss, it was as if she was falling backwards, he tried to keep hold of her, pull her to his chest but she fell, he called her name but she fell and darkness swallowed her, his empty arms turned to Catherine as he reached her but they fell straight through her as the darkness engulfed her. Panicking he span in the room, their room, their home together but it was slowly disappearing, every object, every photograph, their lives disappearing as black smoke danced around him taking everything he loved with it. He tried to shout, yelling "no, stop!" trying to make his way through the smoke grabbing at nothing, trying to find something. He shouted again but nothing, there was nothing left.

His name, he could hear his name being called, a woman, a woman was calling his name, it was her, she was there somewhere, "Elsie?"

But something was wrong, she wasn't there, he couldn't find her, yet he could hear her, her frantic calls of his name increasing in volume until she gripped his arm and he turned, his eyes opening. She was stood over his bed, dressing gown pulled tightly around her, her hair laying over her shoulder in a loose plait.

"Mr Carson? You were shouting, is everything alright?" her voice was filled with worry but there was something different about her eyes - the warmth had gone.

"Yes Mrs Hughes, I apologise"

She smiled softly and bidded him goodnight, not hearing Charles's words as she closed the door.

"I miss you"

**Ok don't hate me too much ;) please review! Free cake for all ****those that do ;D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, 2 weeks left before I will have the time to update **_**everything **_**and I promise I will. I'm updating this because I had already written some.  
Thank you for your reviews so far, I'm sorry I broke so many hearts, but the more you review the quicker new chapters will appear and who knows maybe things will be sorted out between them.**

It wasn't surprising that she's come to him, separated by a single wall she was bound to hear him, especially with him shouting her name. 'Oh God'

He covered his face, what would she think of him shouting her name in fear like a lost child calling for his mother, except she wasn't _his _mother. He didn't want to go to breakfast, she would likely ask after him and he didn't want to face that. He wouldn't usually shy away from anything, but for her to see him vulnerable was something he couldn't help feeling embarrassed.

Glancing at his clock he saw it was 2 o'clock, too long to stay awake yet he didn't want to return to his dreams – though wonderful, the realisation that they were just dreams hurt him greatly.

These dreams had been occurring for months, being the last person he saw every evening , he would go to bed thinking of her and finding her in his dreams as soon as his eyes closed.  
Their relationship had progressed greatly over the months in those dreams, she'd gone from his colleague to his beloved to his wife and now the mother of his child, every time his eyes closed it was further into the future with her. Each dream brought more love yet more heartbreak.

With each new progression came each new morning, another day where he would have to look at that beautiful that lived in his mind ever y second of the day, but in reality he could not trace its outline with his fingertips, he could not kiss it, he could not rest his cheek against hers and whisper how much he loved her – well he could, but one of them would leave Downton very quickly.

He had to save all his endearments for his dreams, where her eyes were full of love, she would hold his hand, put her arms around him, keep him safe. She protected him from the inevitability of returning to reality, she never mentioned it, but he always felt she knew she was an illusion and knew how much this knowledge hurt him so she comforted him through it all. But the dreams were consistent, just him, her, Catherine and their cottage. They ran a little shop together, though it was just him at the moment, she looked after Catherine. They were well known and liked in the village, their tiny business a lot more successful than they imagined, the family they once served occasionally visiting them, Charles being a faithful Butler for so many years and she being a very popular staff member caused them to be well missed. A young Lady Sybil was a frequent visitor to them, claiming to be sent by her mother to inquire after their wellbeing, though really she wanted to see Elsie and Catherine.

In those dreams he would stand looking out of the window of their shop, Downton not too far in the distance, the sound of his giggling daughter behind him…it was perfection, yet it was not real, none of it was. His imagination came up with such a vivid picture of what he wanted he couldn't help but mope around during the say, none of it was real, absolutely none of it, she didn't even love him.

In the dreams, his hand would rest on her knee as they ate, she would look at him with adoring eyes and rest her hand upon his so he could feel the cool gold band on her finger, knowing they were married, the perfect marriage.  
In reality, he had to focus on his food, if he stole a glance at her his eyes could never avert away, she was just too beautiful.  
In the dreams, they climbed the stairs together, hand in hand, going together to check on Catherine, tucking her in and holding each other tightly watching the tiny movements made by the child they made, the perfect child.  
In reality they bade each other goodnight and ascended the stairs alone, each going to separate rooms though only separated by a thin wall, took a maze of stairs and corridors to get to them to keep the women safe from the men.  
In the dreams, the last thing he would remember would be the smell of her hair, so soft against his cheek as he tightened his arms around her while she slept, her form melting easily against his as they lay together. She was his, she loved him unconditionally and would be here forever, the perfect wife.  
In reality, he slept alone, nothing to hold onto – emptiness. Letting his tears off loss fall onto his pillow, where her head should rest but never would, his bed felt cold and unappealing if she wasn't next to him, but of course that never happened in reality.

He felt the tears prickling his eyes as the familiar sadness clung to his heart, she wasn't his and never would be.  
But blinking away the tears only reminded him how exhausted he was and his eyes fell shut, the odd tear trickling out from between his eyelashes, he wished in his heart she wouldn't be there, he just wanted sleep he didn't want to face the beautiful nightmare any more.

But true to form she was there.

**If I get time I might write the next chapter today, but that depends on whether you like this one or not, pleaseee review, it's raining here so I feel really sad – cheer me up with your lovely reviews :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**For some reason this story is easy to just casually write, whereas all the others I'm stuck on :L**

**I don't know about anyone else, but I've had conversations with people in dreams before including talking to them about their human equivalent, it's pretty creepy but that's what gave me the idea for this one. :) Hope you like it.**

He wanted to turn away, if he closed his eyes maybe everything would return to normal, he couldn't face her again, the more he saw her, the harder it was to let go.  
But he wasn't in their bed as he usually was when dreams began, he was sat at his desk in the study, the small space he called his own just off their living room and she was in the doorway watching him intently.  
The sun shone through behind her, creating a glowing light around her - as if he didn't already consider her an angel.

He looked straight back at her, letting his eyes wander over her marvellous figure, she may complain that it was not what it used to be, but to him she was still perfect, once a very petite woman whose entire body curled up could fit in his arms, was now wonderfully curved out.

She wore a dress he'd never seen before, it was deep crimson, a lower neckline than usual and just a little further off the ground, it clung to her every curve and just begged him to hold.  
When he finally looked up he saw her hair was down, cascading over her shoulders in dark brown curls and her eyes, normally bright sparkling blue now just as dark with desire he knew only meant one thing.

"Where's Catherine?" he inquired, knowing even in a dream he could not change everything and she would let out a cry and the moment would be gone.

"Lady Sybil took her to the big house so the family could play with her, Anna's looking after her this afternoon."

"So we have the whole afternoon?" He quirked an eyebrow, though knowing this may not be a path to go down.

"The whole afternoon" she walked over to him with a more prominent sway of her hips and reached for his hand.

She managed to pull him into their bedroom before he realised exactly where this was going, she let him lay her down on the bed but he didn't lie with her, he held her waist and simply sat next to her. She looked up at him in disappointment but with a sense of curiosity about her.

"Charles?" She tried to sit up but he held her down, he saw her eyes were almost frightened but she trusted him and he knew that.

"You're so beautiful" he said after a while simply looking at her, he'd seen her every day for years, been in such close proximity both day and night, yet she still took his breath away every time he looked at her – she was just perfect. Even if he could only hold her in the dreams, only have her lie beneath him in his dreams, she was just as beautiful.

"What is it?" She looked concerned. He wasn't surprised, he'd never in the years of their fantasy marriage been hesitant towards sleeping with her, in a way he was ashamed, he couldn't be anywhere near this close to her in reality so as soon as he had he close he would take every opportunity to sleep with her? How could he ever consider that right, even if they were married and had a daughter? Wasn't it still taking advantage of her?

"Nothing," he turned his head away and let go of her holding his hands in his lap feeling his cheeks blush in shame.

"You think I don't know when you're lying Charles Carson?" She pushed herself on her hands and swung her legs off the bed so she sat next to him, reaching over to place her tiny hand over both of his. "What is it?"

He sighed deeply, "why are you here?"

"Because I'm your wife" she scoffed.

"You know what I mean, why are you _here_?" he spoke through gritted teeth, these dreams made him happy but there was a deep feeling of anger that lay beneath, often surfacing during the day and finding its way to an unsuspecting footman, he prayed however, he wouldn't take it out on her.

"Because you want me to be" she spoke softly, almost a whisper.

"But why is everything so vivid and real?"

She paused and looked down at their hands, "because your love for her is so strong. Everything is concealed and moulded into one fantasy which you live out at night."

"Will this, could this… ever happen?"

"I don't know" she whispered, it was so odd talking to her about the Elsie in reality, talking as if _she _was someone else when she wasn't, she was exactly the same as Elsie in every way except, she loved him.

"Why every night, why the same you, why the same life? Everything as it left off?"

"Because it's what you want Charles, you want this life. The mind is complicated but you want this badly enough for your mind to create a whole new world for you to live in."

"But it's so hard, to have you and all this here at night and then _her _during the day, so, different."

She removed her hand from his, straightening her back and looking straight ahead. He could tell he'd offended her, that was something both Elsie's did if they were hurt.

"I'm sorry it's just…"

"I'm not her." She finished for him, not facing him.

"It's not that I don't love you, or this life but…"

"I'm not her." She repeated her previous words and stood up walking to the window, her arms crossed around her body.

"Elsie…"

"Don't." She held up her hand to silence him. "Don't, call me that. I have no right to that name."

"You're still her" he tried to insist.

"No I'm not" she turned to face him, "I'm your imagination, I'm what you _want _her to be, but I'm not her, you created me so you could live the life you wanted, but you've let me believe for years that I was real, in some way or another, but I'm not am I? I really am just a dream."

Her words stung his heart, she was just a dream, he knew it probably would never happen with Elsie in reality, they would never get this far, he had just created a fantasy world in his mind to try and live a dream.

"Elsie…" he was interrupted by a knock, he turned to the door but it was open, confused he looked back at Elsie who took a few steps towards him and knelt down in front of him.

"Go." She held his hand and let a few tears fall upon it, upon the wedding ring neither of them had any claim to. "Go to her. Tell her, this is not the way to cope with your love, it only hurts you. She needs to know."

He managed to take one last look at those blue eyes, glistening with tears, the smallest smile on her face as the familiar black smoke filled the room obscuring her from his vision, but he managed to squeeze her hand before he felt it disappear entirely and he was lying in his bed, Daisy calling the time from the other side of his door.

'_Go to her. Tell her, this is not the way to cope with your love, it only hurts you. She needs to know.'_

And today she would.

**I will hopefully update my other stories this weekend, I say that, knowing me I'll probably end up writing another chapter to this one :L  
Please review though, I really appreciate them :)**


End file.
